First, an important disclaimer. My Journalism course staged a mock press conference, the central premise being that police had uncovered a cannibalistic sect linden in the English town of Hailsham. Our task was to dictate the conference and subsequently distill into a coherent article. Here is the competent and mildly lurid result. 

Yesterday morning the East Metropolitan Police made a blood-curdling discovery in a local home, uncovering what the police chief solemnly described as a “blood-splattered” cellar containing several severed limbs, evidently belonging to several sixteen to twenty year olds. The condition of these body parts strongly indicated that cannibalism was involved, and two yet to be named suspects, a 41 year old man and a 33 year old woman, are being held in police custody. These crimes are yet to be linked to the disappearance of seven students from Sussex Downs College.

At 10am yesterday morning, Mr. Hooper notified the police of a strange smell coming from the neighbouring property’s drains. A policeman arrived to investigate at 10.30, and after no one answered the door entered the suspicious property from the back door.  The immediate interior appeared normal, but the cellar was in a horrific state. The policeman immediately called for backup, and a forensics team was on the scene by 11.30am.

Several tools were found, including a hacksaw and an axe, stained with the blood of over six victims.   A solid oak table stood in the cellar’s centre, etched with cut marks.  The police currently believe this is where the gruesome dismemberment took place.

When asked how the public could stay safe in the wake of this discovery, the police chief reiterated that they had two suspects in custody and were not currently seeking any others, although he encouraged any members of the public holding information valuable to the investigation to come forward. He also disclosed that the male suspect, a caretaker at the local Sussex Downs College, had been in a relationship with the female suspect, who worked as a dental nurse. At this time they have not cooperated with police questioning. The chief stressed that his team were “early on in their investigations”.

Dr. Heintz, a renowned psychologist from Stockholm, has specialist experience with these cases and is assisting the police with their enquiries.  He informed us that cannibalism is often practiced by loners who feel isolated from the rest of society, and frequently do not regard their actions as immoral. What makes this particular instance abnormal is that it potentially involves two perpetrators, as cannibalism is usually practiced by one person.

More as the situation develops.

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